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Thats what you told me when we were dating: when we were in love. You said those words and I will never forget it because it solidified my feelings for you. That was then. Now I'm so torn. We had a whirlwind romance, a disastrous relationship, a tear-filled breakup and an intense affair. You left me pregnant with our daughter and my life has been empty since then. I am still so disappointed and angry with you for not caring not seeming the least concerned yet I love you at the same time. I never imagined you'd leave me all alone with her. I had it in my mind that you would want to try to make things work, that you would maybe profess your love for me that you would be there for her birth and my pregnancy but you were nowhere to be found and never contacted me once. I guess you never know how many tears a pillow can hold until you cry yourself to sleep for months.... Now you've come back into our lives and you're trying to be a father for her. I have so many burning questions inside me about why you left, if you ever cared for me or if I was simply a fling but you won't answer any of them. I've tried with all of my worldly powers to block out my feelings for you with no success. I Shouldnt but I can't help loving you. She is just like you. The intensity of the burning fire I have for you I thought had been extinguished has returned with a vengeance and it will never die even now through the vast distance that separates us and trying circumstances. What kind of woman loves a man who can hurt her so badly? As a buddhist I understand very well the suffering and disastrous consequences attachment can have on inner peace but I am only human and you are my everlasting exception to the rules. I have a well in my heart for you and it's spilling over with all the things I keep from saying to you. So I write it here. My virtual quill and parchment. I know you will never see this and that's fine but I have to release my heart's deepest truths. I will never and can never love anyone the way I love you. I hope that perhaps someday when the time is right and should our paths cross at just the right moment, we can once again have our chance to renew our passions for one another because I love you with all that I am and all that I will ever be. I can't fight it anymore being away from you has taught me that the feelings I have for you cannot ever be swayed and our metaphysical bond can never be broken. I still believe in us and I am not looking for you to tell me the same or anything for that matter. You are in my every thought always. I can still feel your kiss when I close my eyes. It shakes me to my core. I have changed so much spiritually and personally I am not the girl you met four years ago. You are my soulmate in every form of the word and I will forever love you until my last breath. I am and always will be yours, CK
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